You know, that moment when you are all alone and you need someone … wouldn’t it be lovely if they were there …sad
- Been on 2 retreats ( yoga)
- Been meditating everyday
- Come off a major pain killer
- Feeling happier
- Feeling more contented
- Read 3 books
- Light candles everyday
- Bought a Fitbit and aim to do 8,000 steps per day
- Gone our loads with my daughter
- Been to a caleigh ( great fun)
- Grown in confidence at work
- Started antidepressants
- Watch 2 brilliant movies – Lion and Lala land
- Been to London
Actually it looks impressive on paper – I’m determined not to let my life be dominated by men.
Well my instincts and my panics and anxiety were all right.
My new boyfriend ( this is been going on since August ) ended it all tonight.
He said that although he is 100% attracted to my personality and me as a person , but I’m not his type and although he has tried to overcome this. It’s making him feel unsure and he doesn’t want to end / hurt me further down the line. What the fuck? That’s just crazy… I am an attractive woman – sexy sassy and good looking . My usual problem is men want to sleep with me but don’t want a deep meaningful relationship with me…
We get on brilliantly in so many ways and I know we would make a brilliant partnership, but if it’s all about looks that’s ridiculous.
Anyway I’ve accepted its over and I’m gutted – absolutely gutted – My whole Christmas and New Year were based around him ( at his request) and now it’s all not on.
I’m really scared I don’t think I can take many more knocks in life – I need something to go my way … I frightened that I’m not going to cope and I’m going to fall apart – what can I do? I feel so alone now … me and my tears
I guess I have choices, I feel so low because all my hopes for over Christmas have been dashed. It was going to be a Christmas full of romance and love… all tossed aside.
I’ve felt so miserable, but I do have a choice about how I react to all of this… He’s clearly not worth the brain space that you are giving him. Did you see the signs coming – I guess if I had stepped back perhaps… The doctor said don’t push yourself to be better – I guess don’t fill your time with things to block your feelings.
I actually hate Christmas – the forced joviality and fake fun… Christmas for me feels sad and lonely. My children are amazing , but they are teens and they are growing up and doing their own thing. I feel very alone, I feel like I’m never going to meet someone that’s going to love me, and care about me… I wish I could develop some inner strength and be the person I want to be… and not feel sad a lot of the time.
I’ve booked two different yoga trips. Over new year – I’m hoping to kick start my year with a healthy bang.